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The Bay Area SEG Club will play their fourth anniversary Segway Polo match in exactly 10 days, and the world could be less excited. Although they think they have created a revolutionary sport that combines the triumphs with technology and traditional sports, after reading their 10-page rule book, I can see why such a creative concept has been ignored by enthusiast everywhere.
The official rules of the SEG club polo can be found here, if you even care to read them in the first place. Basically, you hit the ball with the stick. You are not allowed to run into other players. You are not allowed to hit them with your clubs. The player closest to the ball has a right away. The list of rules that only an overprotective soccer mom would condone is endless. If the sport wants to take a leap into the public eye, then they need to start adding some flare.
There are plenty of other sports that allow full contact on wheels. Murderball, for example, condones full contact between players that are situated in a wheel chair . . . which is less protection than the Segway. Look at Rollerball, NASCAR, or any of the other sports that embrace the notion of contact and the attention of TV viewers everywhere. Although a Segway is very expensive, it can always be repaired. Therefore, if Segway Polo is ever going to make its way into popular culture as a legitimate ‘sport’, then some rules need to be changed.
First of all, every “right of way” rule needs to be eliminated from competition. If the player doesn’t want his precious Segway to be scratched, then he simply doesn’t deserve the ball. The man willing to do the most damage shall be awarded on the field of play. And to help this sport celebrate the art of violence, I have made a couple of suggestions to the Bay Area SEG Club to help them out.
The Segways should be scythed to enable players to take out other opponent. They were acceptable on Roman chariots, which were considered modern Segways at the time. Also, the presence of a shield will encourage more ramming, as well as provide strategic protection to the vehicle. Spikes are encouraged for the coolness factor.
In terms of the playing field, we suggest the implementation of two sand traps and a water hazard, or vice versa. Alligators are optional. The presence of these hazards will make movement on the field more condensed, strategic, and give an incentive for more contact to either put someone in the hazards, or to keep oneself out.
Also, although we promote all contact, there has to be a name given for the act. Just as hockey has checking and the NFL has tackling, Segway Polo will have head thumping. The rules are explained below.
Finally, all forms of celebrations are acceptable . . . except this one.
With these modifications to the rules set forth by the Bay Area SEG Club, there is no doubt that it will become a national phenonom. The problem is finding the men and women with enough guts to ride a Seg in public, and be willing to kill each other in the process. Someone sign me up.
July 1st, 2008 at 7:40 pm
[...] Extreme (and Deadly) Segway PoloThe Bay Area SEG Club will play their fourth anniversary Segway Polo match in exactly 10 days, and the world could be less excited. Although they think they have created a revolutionary sport that combines the triumphs with technology … [...]
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:55 am
[...] a little luck, and a lot of signed petitions, this could become a demonstration sport at the 2016 Olympics. (No Ratings Yet) Loading … Tags: extreme sports, polo, Segway [...]
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:57 am
[...] these game-changing modifications, the sport will remain incredibly lame. latex batman costumeread more | digg [...]
July 3rd, 2008 at 3:36 am
[...] Head-thumping, scything and field hazards are a must. If only this were true - they do play Segway Polo, but without these game-changing modifications, the sport will remain incredibly lame. http://www.ath1337.net/extreme-and-deadly-segway-polo/ [...]
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:29 am
Extreme and Deadly Segway Polo…
[...]Head-thumping, scything and field hazards are a must. If only this were true - they do play Segway Polo, but without these game-changing modifications, the sport will remain incredibly lame.[...]…
July 3rd, 2008 at 9:37 am
[...] Extreme (and Deadly) Segway Polo (Story/Pics) [...]
July 3rd, 2008 at 1:49 pm
It’s pretty clear the author of the snarky genX-Y article:
1. Has never been on a Segway.
2. Has never played or understood the rules of conduct for Polo on Horseback.
3. Has never actually played Segway Polo themselves.
Having played a couple games on my machine, I can honesty say it’s like any other sport: they’re much more fun to actually play than watch.
But the knives & spikes are a great idea for the proud, clueless morons seated in SUV’s & low MPG, high-performance Cars that yell how lazy we are, while they’re stuck in traffic… “Hey *sshole! Get a CAR!”
Yeah… Right. My transportation gets the equiv. of 450 MPG, and costs only 20 cents a charge. Beat that.
SEGsby
July 3rd, 2008 at 2:23 pm
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July 3rd, 2008 at 2:36 pm
SMUG ALERT!
July 3rd, 2008 at 8:10 pm
[...] without these game-changing modifications, the sport will remain incredibly lame. X Men the tv showread more | digg story RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI Cartoons Fans Lounge [...]
July 7th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Hmmm….not sure I am following this Extreme (and Deadly) Segway Polo thread very well.
July 9th, 2008 at 6:57 am
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July 10th, 2008 at 6:03 am
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July 12th, 2008 at 4:47 am
[...] Segway Polo, but without these game-changing modifications, the sport will remain incredibly lame.http://www.ath1337.net/extreme-and-deadly-segway-polo/YouTube - Extreme - Play With Me Studio VersionI uploaded it &aposcause I didn&apost find the studio [...]
July 14th, 2008 at 9:32 am
I find it always interesting to read great blogs with good content about Sports Cars Clubs because we can learn so much about that subject. Your blog regarding Extreme (and Deadly) Segway Polo seems somewhat relevant even if I dont agree with everything. Thx
July 14th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
Why would you say that?
July 15th, 2008 at 2:13 am
Great post with so description using pictorial representation.
July 15th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
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July 16th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
I read similar article also named Extreme (and Deadly) Segway Polo, and it was completely different. Personally, I agree with you more, because this article makes a little bit more sense for me
July 16th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Ralph…
After this soaks in, I am sure what you have here is really brilliant….