ath1337

It has been debated for many years with passion, fury, and anger. A battle over one word, title, name for a sport that spans across the world and into the lives of millions. Football. Individuals across the pond use the word in reference to their national pastime, soccer. Indeed, your sport should be officially soccer, the name that the Americans coined after officially forming the first recognized American football league in 1861 and playing in 1862 on the Boston Common.

Soccer on the other hand, according to FIFA historical accounts was formed in “1863 in England, when rugby football and association football branched off on their different courses and the Football Association in England was formed - becoming the sport’s first governing body.” After discovering this myself, I find it hard to believe any notion that soccer should be called “football” because it is an older or more prestigious sport. The Football Association had adapted the rules to the game in 1863, but it wasn’t until 1872 would Scotland and England play in the first officially recognized soccer game.

This is opposed to November 6, 1869, when Rutgers University would take on Princeton in the America’s first real football game. If soccer’s claim to the right of the name of football is its official age, they have no shot at winning that right notion in court. Sure people have been kicking a ball for thousands of years, but it takes a regulating body and official set of rules for it to be called a modern sport. In this aspect, American football wins. The worldwide reference to the word “football” should be given to the blood thirsty, manly contact sport played here in the Americas, not to the foot fairies in the far east.

Now let me put on my arrogant American asshole shoes to counter an argument made yesterday of “7 Reasons why Americans SHOULD like Soccer”. First of all, the sites domain is registered to a British company with soccer in the title, so I’m just pointing that out.I’m glad they too agreed with the distinguishing of the two sports. Keep it going over in Europe to stop the confusion. Here’s their list:

7) Soccer manages to not pander to advertising overload, sure the game is getting more attuned to the money machine but at least it doesn’t break every few seconds for some words from our sponsors. Surely Americans are sick and tired of the constant breaks of play, be it for an inning break or timeout.

Surely Europeans are getting thirsty or hungry sitting through 90 minute of boring game play. If you think that Americans sit through television commercials and stare blankly at the corporate sponsors, you think wrong my friend. We use this time to re-beer ourselves, turn the ribs on the grill, throw a football, give high-five’s or make sweet 3 minute love quickies to our smoking hot wives. It’s awesome.

6) 2002! The USA’s performance at the World Cup in Japan and South Korea should have been the springboard to success for the sport. The achievements of that side should not be undersold.

Give credit where credit’s due, but the team didn’t win the World Cup. America is about conquering the world and all the championships that go along with it. That’s why we’re the best at real football, basketball, and baseball. Maybe if we win a World Cup, we’ll take up some interest. But until then, soccer’s on the back burner to more prestigious and older sports.

5) It sounds like an old cliché, but Football really is a sport that unites all. It’s a sport that needs little in the way of finance to play. No need to buy a baseball bat and a mitt, or steel platted armour and also no need to be Eight foot tall to be any good at. All you need is a sphere shaped object, like a football, and you’re away!

You’re exactly right; football is a sport that unites us all. Nothing is more entertaining than watching a kick get blocked for the win or a receiver being dealt out a bone crushing rib shot in an attempt to nab the ball from the air. Too bad you’re talking about the invalid version of ‘football’.

4) 1950! If ever there was an awe inspiring shocking triumph of the human spirit an effort of David vs. Goliath proportions that should have shot the sport of Soccer into the national consciousness then that should have been it. The moment that the US beat an English team who were thought of as the best in the world was best summed up by American defender Harry Keough who said “Boy, I feel sorry for these bastards. How are they ever going to live down the fact we beat them?”

In other news, Bill Rexford won the 1950 NASCAR championship and Johnnie Parsons in the Indy 500. The Yankees swept the Phillies 4-0 in the World Series and the Browns be at the Rams 30-28 in the real football championship. It was a great year for American sports.

Who is Harry Keough?

3) Soccer is simply far more entertaining than any other sport in the world. Why, I hear you ask? Well it’s the world’s most popular sport, simple. As a sport it is far less predictable than most. It’s a sport where upsets can and do occur on a regular basis.

You sir, are an idiot for ever using this reason. You can spend 90 minutes drooling over your hero’s ability to “kick le ball” down a field.

I’ll drool over my hero’s ability to bench press 450 lbs, squat 600 lbs, and still run a 4.38 40 at the weight of 225 lbs. I would convert that to kgs and meters for the European audience, but those are nearly as wrong as Europe’s athletic nomenclature.

Also, NFL player shoot people, smoke marijuana, retire, come back 4 times and are still reinstated to play. If the difference of entertainment between soccer and football were measured in video games, we’ll take our GTA 4 to your Kirby’s Dream Land any day.

2) The US has already proven how they are number one, or close enough, in the big four sports they love (American Football, Baseball, Basketball and Ice Hockey) and soccer could be their next big challenge? A country the size of the US, and it’s big, should really be much better than it is in the field of soccer. Sure the MLS is getting bigger and crowds are increasing but it really hasn’t exploded but if it did, boy would it make a big bang!

Right now we’ve got Iraq and a failing economy to worry about. The four big sports are our release from the real world, and it’s always going to stay that way. If the sport doesn’t take off in the mainstream American media immediately, then it probably never will. Soccer has been around way too long to actually make a comeback here in the states. Yes, we should have a bigger soccer crowd, but currently our youth is being raised with soccer as a stepping stone to other much more challenging sports. Why would an American child strive to excel in a sport that has little money or fan base while there are the football, baseball, and basketball clubs out there?

1) Everyone on the planet loves Soccer, not just one nation. Therefore when soccer (I mean football of course) plays its World Series (or World Cup as we call it) it really does include the WHOLE world and not just one nation. The game of football is played by more worldwide than any other sport (unless you count fishing which surely can’t be considered a sport) so surely the US would love to join the footballing family and attempt to conquer the world!

No, you meant soccer. Given the World Cup is entertaining, we in no ways want to join your soccering family. If the United States one day wins the World Cup, we’ll laugh in your face and point out the fact that it’s our 6^th largest sport i(behind of course football, basketball, baseball, hockey, and NASCAR).

In all honesty it’s this:

versus this:

. . . one looks a little manlier than the other.

With all the political and civil unrest revolving around the selection of Beijing, I decided I would point out some good in the situation. Sure, the government banned automobile transportation and plants from burning to deter pollution and they are censoring our American reporters, but it’s all for the good. Why? Because they are making us hate them even more . . . and by doing so, establishing something the Olympics have been lacking since the 80’s, a rival. It’s America vs China. Democracy vs Communism. Good vs Bad . . . etc. Jim Caple describes it best in his article today:
“Oh, the Olympics were deliciously dramatic in those Bruce Jenner and Ivan Drago days, providing sporting showdowns in the welcome place of nuclear confrontation: The violent 1956 Hungary-Soviet water polo match (”Hey, why does the water look so reddish?”), the 1972 U.S.-Soviet basketball game (”They screwed us!”), and, of course, the 1980 U.S.-Soviet hockey game (”Do you believe in miracles? Yes!”).”

Should be a good time coming up on August 8th. As the 2 countries grow more anxious and political tension begin to rise more, we should see for a good showing.

How is life for Manny in LA? Seems to enjoying quite well. He’s still Manny being Manny, just at a different city.

Yesterday a deal was reached between the Dodgers and the Red Sox over star Manny Ramirez. Earlier this week many reportedly stated he was unhappy in Boston and wanted out. Manny has said that many times before, but this was for real.

Boston will now have to surrender 2 of their top prospects and pay the remainder of Manny’s contract just to get rid of him. Manny’s salary (topping 20 million) is larger than the rest of the Dodger’s payroll.

It’s just Manny being Manny.

Four years I say . . . four miserable years of living the life of a student at a University known for their rugby traditions. I grew up on a southern farm in and I was taught at a young age how to act like a man and how to treat other human beings. I also grew up corn fed as a fierce football player. After spending a semester trying out for the rugby squad in college, I decided I could not take it anymore. I simply didn’t belong on the pitch, especially after what I had been through. I don’t believe in gossip, so I’ll keep this article relevant to rugby as a whole sport. Being more specific, only the American rugby squads.

To every rugby player that reads this, you know there is absolutely no denying these words. You will defend them as “tradition”, or being at one with your sexuality; but the truth is that it’s embarrassing to American sports as a whole. American rugby should not base their behavior on traditions established in Europe. On most college campuses, the sport has been around for less than 30 or 40 years. Your fake British accents and obsession with good beer and everything ‘across the pond’ do not entitle you to Euro status or their traditions. We’re freaking AMERICA, so let’s not get naked and spank each other when a gun is not being held to our heads.

For the rest of America, let me enlighten you on a little “tradition” called the Zulu warrior. I would try to describe it myself, but this rugby player has already described it in his blog:

“A zulu or “zulu warrior” is a little dance or act that you must perform at the post game drink-up (another rugby tradition), while naked. Typically, the team will starting chanting “zulu” or “hey, zulu warrior” while you disrobe and then run around like a maniac while they toss beer on you.”

And for his personal Zulu experience after his first try:

“I was hoping the guys forgot that I owed a zulu, but alas, they did not. The good news, there were a good 7 or 8 other savages already naked at the party (another common tradition, at least with the guys at my university) running around. My zulu was highlighted by my date following me around, slapping me on the ass, and yelling “woooo-whooo!!!”.”

As arousing as that life lesson seems, it is one of the lighter Zulus that I have heard of in the American rugby realm. Probably the worst is having toilet paper shoved up their butt and lit on fire. Of course, while they chant the Zulu. It was only hearsay, but based on the rugby culture, I don’t doubt that it ever happened. But I have absolutely no problem with what happens behind closed doors. If the public doesn’t see it, then it never happened. Unfortunately, one American university doesn’t think the eyes of children and spectators should be spared by their Zulu antics. Just last October, the University of Illinois (Champaign) made rugby squads across the nation proud when they forced a Zulu on a teammate directly after the game. A direct excerpt:

“Shortly after the final whistle blew with Illinois winning over University of Wisconsin, there was a bit of celebration on the far sideline. Looked away to talk John [name omitted] (coach of Catholic Memorial High School Girls who ran touch for the Men’s Semis [former USA U-19 Girls Manager]) when he pointed and said “that’s stupid.”

Turned around to see an Illinois Player running - completely naked - towards the goal line. Started over to confront the situation apparently at the same time as [MW RFU official]. Kid was actually dumb enough to sit there naked for a good half minute while we confronted the club president, and other members of the team just kept citing it as a “tradition for their club and the clubs they play after every match.”

For the sake of all things athletic, if you assumed this was the worst of rugby “traditions”, you were wrong my friend. You see, simply having to complete a Zulu means that you are on the team already. Initiation is a whole other ball game.

Every sport has a unique initiation ritual. Most of them include a beating, having to steal something, heavy drinking, or perhaps eating a live animal. The object of initiation is to create a team bonding experience, letting the newbie know that it is his or her time to endure the pain and to become one with the team. I have endured initiation in many sports, but we always kept our clothes on. One Youtube video search of “rugby initiation” yields all videos involving heavy drinking, and about ¾ involving nakedness. Here are some of the favorites:

Dudes in whitey tighties taking shots . . . there’s nothing wrong with that!

Divas bonging beer - everyone’s entitled to freedom of expression, right?

Naked dude bonging beer . . . we’re regressing here:

And here’s where I lost respect for mankind.

You see, Rugby is a great sport that requires skills, speed, agility, and strength. The New Zealand All Blacks boast some of the world’s most elite athletes and gentlemen. You will never see an All Black initiation on the internet; you will only see videos of them intimidating their opponents with the Haka. You’ll never see them running around naked, setting asswads of toilet paper on fire, or drinking themselves unconscious in the public eye. But if they do, that’s alright because it’s a European tradition. To all American rugby clubs out there, if you haven’t already, take a new direction in the establishment of traditions. We’re all athletes, Americans, and proud of our sports. Being a rugby hooligan absolutely proves nothing to the other athletes at your school and certainly looks horrible in the public eye. Many clubs have taken this approach, but unfortunately, a great number remain out there that put a black eye on the sport as a whole. With a little work and redirection, rugby could become the gentleman’s game as the players would be revered as men of class and dignity playing a sport of savages.

And for your Wednesday, I present to you some sick motocross crashes. Riding a dirt bike is harder than it looks, and this video only proves it: